Getting Along With Your Chosen Family on Your Wedding DayNo ratings yet.

In case you don’t know, a “chosen family” is a term that is used to describe families not related by blood; a family you quite literally chose. It’s a term that became especially popular in queer communities when people were forcibly distanced from their blood relatives due to their relative’s prejudices and were left to create a new family that didn’t rely on legal status or blood. However, while the term still has strong queer roots, it isn’t limited to just the LGBTQ+ community and can apply to many people.

A chosen family consists of people we find to fulfill the roles of support, teaching, comfort, and kinship. This can look like almost anything and in most cases is defined to be purposefully broad and encompassing. Chosen families are meant to pull people together, not shut them out through ridged definitions. Chosen families can be specific, such as having a mother, father, sister, brother, cousin, etc. based on age, personalities, or relationships. All these people may even share a residence. Or they can be vaguer; you can have a chosen family without spelling out every person’s role and relationship to that family. As with all things queer, words matter. The point of a chosen family is not to stifle individual members through literal biological ties, comparisons to a nuclear biological family, or labels. The point is to foster belonging and fill one’s voids: sometimes labels such as “mother” help with this, and sometimes they don’t; individuals get to decide.

Your Wedding, Your Choices (Including Family)

Family can be complicated, and we won’t even bother trying to list out all of the reasons why. That’s why, especially for a day that is as special and formative as your wedding day, you may choose to highlight your choices—the people who you surround yourself with to feel loved and cared for.

As we touched on in our estranged family article, it can be challenging to navigate weddings because so many of the traditions are family-based. So here are our thoughts on how to include your family on your special day as they do what any family should do and support you in your happiness.

How to Highlight Your Chosen Family

Now, these won’t really be in the forms of a typical how-to because a lot of this is up to you. The first “step,” if we had to give one, would be to sit with yourself or your partner and think about what you want your wedding to look like.

What traditions are important to you to include and what is something new that you feel compelled to start? Think about the ways that blood relatives are usually highlighted in weddings (father walking someone down the aisle, a mother and son dance) and consider whether you feel comfortable substituting someone in or whether you’d rather just take that piece out altogether.

For those places where you really want someone to do it, even if it’s not the person that society or “tradition” might tell you to expect, think about a fun way to ask a member of your chosen family to participate. While parents or blood relatives may expect to be given roles in your wedding ceremony, chosen family members may not, and so you have an opportunity to do something fun and special to honor their place in your life and (assuming they say yes) in your wedding day as well.

Traditions Aren’t for Everyone

However, don’t push yourself to replicate a “traditional” wedding ceremony and/or reception if you don’t want to. The blessing of a wedding day with your chosen family is that they have already proven that they love you for you, and they will love any wedding that you feel happy with.

High-stress and high-emotion events like weddings can be incredibly challenging with your biological family, even if you are on good terms with them, so by surrounding yourself with people who you know to support you no matter what, you can feel free to make the choices that you feel best to represent what you want for your day.

Once you have thought about what you want your actual wedding day to look like, make sure to take some time to think about everything besides the day itself. Family and friends can be ingrained in many different steps of the wedding planning process, from helping with design elements to the (sometimes dreaded) bridal shop appointment to pick out a wedding dress. Again, a chosen family represents support, so allow them to support you through this entire process, not just on the day where you feel like you need to fill up half of an aisle of seats.

Your Chosen Family Wants to Help You!

It can feel challenging to admit that you need help with these difficulties. Because of the “traditional” expectations and structure of weddings, they can feel incredibly overwhelming to those of us who are separated, whether by choice or not, from blood relatives. Many aspects of the wedding planning process may feel like a painful reminder that you will not need to purchase a mother-of-the-bride dress or plan a father-daughter dance.

It’s important to allow yourself to feel these emotions, but it’s equally (if not more) important to allow your chosen family to be there for you throughout this process. Create an environment where you can talk about these feelings and process them in a healthy manner without sacrificing the fun and excitement of planning your big day.

Despite the challenges, a wedding really is the perfect time and place to highlight your chosen family. After all, all of the commitments and dedication you have proven to give and received from people who you originally had no legal or genetic connection to have just been a test run for marriage.

These are the people who have supported you because they care, not because their title obligates them to. These are the people who have witnessed your pain and helped you grow and who have endless, abundant love for you. A wedding is a time for family; however, what that family looks like and who it is comprised of is entirely up to you.

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The Four People In Every RelationshipNo ratings yet.

There are people out there that are in an open relationship and then there are people out there that aren’t. When it comes to a relationship that is monogamous, it could be said that there will only be two people involved.

Unlike the other type of relationship, each person will only need to think about one other person. If they were not in this type of relationship, they would both have far more people to think about.

A Very Different Dynamic

Each person would have an attachment to the other and they would both have an attachment to other people. Due to what is going on, a lot of their time could be spent on this area of their life.

Conversely, both of them might not have a strong emotional connection to each other or to the other people in their life. Thus, while both of them will share their bodies with each other and others, not much else will be shared.

On The Surface

However, although each of their relationships won’t have much depth, they are still going to require a lot of their time and energy. As a result of this, they could both get to the point where they are no longer interested in experiencing life in this way and want more depth.

What started off as fun at the beginning could now be seen as something that is tiresome. After coming to this conclusion, they may believe that it would be better to just be with each other or one other person.

A Different Experience

When it comes to this type of relationship, someone is only going to have to be there for one other person. In this type of relationship, more of them may have to show up and there could be far more growth involved than there would be otherwise.

Undoubtedly, having an open relationship will bring challenges but a lot of these challenges are likely to be different from the ones that arise in a monogamous relationship. One reason for this is that through forming a deeper connection with one person as opposed to a more surface-level connection with a number of people, different inner wounds are likely to come to the surface.

An Analogy

One way of looking at the difference would be to compare short distance running with long-distance running. Being able to run for a short distance will take a certain type of fitness while being able to run for a long distance will take another.

In both cases, there will be challenges, but the latter will take more strength and energy than the former. Ergo, to go further will require one to dig deeper and to face pain that they wouldn’t have had to face.

A Half-Truth

Now, while they will only be with one person, it doesn’t mean that there will only be two of them in the relationship. The reason for this is that they are both going to have an inner child.

One’s inner child, along with the other person’s inner child, is often going to have an impact on how they behave. Having this understanding will allow one to be more understanding and for their partner to be the same.

For Example

As the relationship grows and develops, inner wounds are going to be triggered and this can cause both of them to behave in ways that are out of character. During this time, their inner child will take over and their adult self will go offline.

If one has this understanding, it will be a lot easier for them to understand what is going on when this does happen and to not take it personally. The same will apply to one’s partner when one’s inner child takes over.

The Alternative

If one doesn’t have this understanding, they can get caught up in what happens when their partner’s inner child takes over and this will make it hard for them to differentiate their wounded child self from their adult self. Further, it will be more difficult for them to empathize with their partner and to be compassionate.

Ultimately, this part themselves can simply take over, so it won’t be as though their partner is consciously choosing to behave in a way that is destructive or harmful, for instance. It will be important for them to keep in mind that they themselves will also have moments like this and they are likely to appreciate having a partner who can see beyond what is going on.

The Other Element

Being aware that they have an inner child that will sometimes take over is one part; the other part will be for them to take responsibility for what happens. Being aware of what is going on and taking the steps to heal what has been triggered will allow them to resolve what is going on and for their relationship to progress.

If one, or their partner, doesn’t have the awareness or take the steps to resolve what has been triggered, it is going to be a lot harder for the relationship to progress. Over time, it could cause their partner, or them, to emotionally or physically leave the relationship.

Awareness

If one can relate to this and they need additional support, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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The wounded Inner ChildNo ratings yet.

After many, many years of pain, one could find that they have the need to keep people at a distance. At this point, it will be clear that it is not other people; it will be the person who they see whenever they look in the mirror.

But, although they will now understand that they are the ones who need to change, they could struggle to understand why it has taken them so long to realize this. They could even criticize themselves for not having been able to see this sooner.

Self-Compassion

If this does take place, it will be essential for them to go easy on themselves and to accept the fact that they were doing the best that they could. Or to be more precise, they were doing the best that they could with what they knew.

The main thing is that they have been able to take a step back and to see that their life won’t change unless they change. From here, they will be able to slowly transform their life and gradually let people in.

In The Past

Before they had this insight, they might have spent a fair amount of time complaining about how their life was. Along with what they said to themselves, there would have been what they said to others.

There may have been moments when they felt like a victim, or they may have felt this way in general. What was going on in this area of their life, the area of human connection, may have also impacted every other area of their life.

Groundhog Day

They may have just had surface-level relationships for as long as they can remember and they might not have ever had an intimate relationship. Or, they might have been in relationships that only went so far.

It would then have seemed as though the people who they were drawn to were the ones who had issues. Through having this outlook, their only way this area would have changed would have been if the people ‘out there’ changed.

External Support

Whenever they spoke to others about what was going on, they may have been told that they were just unlucky. Although these people probably wanted to be supportive, what they said wouldn’t have truly served them.

Most likely, what these people came out with would have been a reflection of how they perceived this area of their own life. Someone or something ‘out there’ would then have been what defined what their relationships were like.

The Catalyst

What may have allowed them to see that they are the ones who need to change could have been a recent relationship that they had. Then again, they could currently be with someone who has played a part in them being able to see this.

If it relates to someone they were with, they may have found that they simply couldn’t let them in. Thus, they would have had what they wanted but they wouldn’t have been able to take the next step.

Shut-Down

Physically and mentally they might have been fine, yet their emotional self wouldn’t have been on board. As a result of this, they wouldn’t have been able to fully show up and to embrace the other person.

On one hand, they may have wondered why they couldn’t form a deep emotional connection with this person, and on the other, they may have felt comfortable keeping them at an emotional distance. Intellectually, what was going on wouldn’t have made any sense whosoever.

A Closer Look

After having this experience, they may have also come to see that they are this way with people in general. The reason it might not have stood out before could be because less would have been expected from them in these relationships and they would have needed less.

The big question is: why would they have such a strong need to keep people at bay? One way of looking at this would be to say they are carrying a deeply wounded inner child, and this part of them doesn’t feel safe enough to let anyone in.

Two Levels

This part of them, their emotional self, won’t be in a good way, and this could show that their early years were very traumatic. Perhaps this was a time when they were mistreated on a weekly, if not daily, basis.

Many years will have passed since this stage of their life, but the child that they once were will now live inside them. And, even though their conscious mind won’t remember much, their unconscious mind – the part of them where their inner child will be found – will remember everything that happened.

Running the Show

For so long, one may have believed that someone or something ‘out there’ will have been in control of their life, yet it will have been a part of them that they were unaware of. Their inner child will define what they can, or can’t, allow into their life.

To this part of them, opening up to another person and letting them into their life could be seen as something that would cause them to be annihilated. What happened to them as a child will have defined what closeness and intimacy mean to them.

Armouring

During their early years, the only way for them to handle what was taking place would have been to disconnect from their feelings. To do this, they would have had to lose touch with their body.

To keep this pain at bay, their body may have developed in a certain way, with this being a way for them to prevent their emotional pain, and unmet needs, from entering their conscious mind. The defenses that were put in place when they were a child can be so effective that they might rarely come into contact with the deep pain and unmet childhood needs that are inside them.

Awareness

If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Two major Keys to a Happy Marriage  5/5 (1)

Pretty much every marriage begins as a colossal festival.

Alongside family and friends, each couple is full of hopes and dreams for their future life together, forgetting that the road to a happy and fulfilling marriage is not a bed of roses, thereby making many couples opt not to completing the journey.

People easily tie marital failure on issues like pride and ego, not spending enough ample time together, allowing bitterness and resentment to build in our hearts and failing to keep communication lines open. But if you commit your relationship to God and make a conscious decision each day to put God and your partner first, your marriage will be able to weather any storm. Not only that; you’ll also have plenty of fun together along the way. Technically, there’s no end to books, articles and seminars that tell you how to improve these and many other aspects of your relationship. But while quality time, forgiveness and communication are vitally important to creating a happy marriage, if such things aren’t happening, it’s usually a sign of a much deeper problem. And until this problem is addressed, no amount of external behavior modification will work.

To get a hint of what this deeper issue might be, let’s take a look at the following Bible passages:

One of them, an expert in the law, tested him [Jesus] with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied:

“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’

This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it:

‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22:35-40)

I believe that virtually every marital problem can be traced back to one or both partners failing to abide by these two laws. The same is true of any relationship. The minute we begin to focus on our own wants and needs over those of God or our partner; we’re destined for trouble.

Experiencing communication problems in your marriage? How often do you really focus on listening to what your partner (or God) has to say instead of insisting on more airtime? Feeling bitterness and resentment growing toward your partner? When was the last time you brought him or her before the Lord in prayer and truly thanked God for your relationship? Struggling to find quality time together? How about praying with your partner and asking God how he would like you to use your time?

As you begin to do these things, you’ll notice that your focus automatically starts to shift away from you and your desires and over to God and your partner. As a result, communication problems begin to improve, anger and resentment fade away and you naturally want to spend more time together. Of course, you can’t expect such changes to happen overnight. Your relationship is also bound to face financial pressures, child-rearing issues and other problems that are beyond your control. But if you commit your relationship to God and make a conscious decision each day to put God and your partner first, your marriage will be able to weather any storm. Not only that; you’ll also have plenty of fun together along the way!

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Explanation, causes and management of high sex drive  5/5 (3)

While many people would consider a high sex drive anything but a problem, if you’re single, or with a partner who is less driven by sex than you, an overactive libido can cause friction of the decidedly not sexy variety. If you suspect your sex drive is too high for comfort, here are some things you can consider.

What is a high sex drive?

A high sex drive or “overactive libido” can look like a lot of things. On the extreme end of the spectrum, a person may obsess about sex, compulsively pursue sexual experiences, or take great risks with sex, including choices that may cause emotional or physical harm to themselves or others. Some people may put themselves in financial jeopardy by compulsively spending money on sex workers or pornography. Other people may just find that they desire sex more than comfortably fits into their life. For instance, new parents or people with demanding jobs may find that desiring sex is frustrating because it pulls their attention away from other activities they consider more important. Rarely, physical disorders can cause “hyper arousal” where even neutral touch can cause a wave of intense pleasure or even orgasm in people.

Should You Be Worried?

If you suspect you have an abnormally high libido, it’s a good idea to examine your expectations of “normal.”

Ask yourself these questions:

  1. What does a “normal” sex drive look like? How many times a week do I think I should want sex? What is normal amount to masturbate? How different are my desires from my expectations?
  2. Where does this metric come from? Did I read it somewhere? Did someone tell me? Have I been shamed or humiliated by my desires? Have I been told I’m “abnormal” by someone other than my doctor or therapist?
  3. Is my pursuit of sex or sexual materials (like pornography or sexting) interfering with my life? Am I spending more than I can afford on sex? Am I putting my job, family, or relationship at risk by my interest in sex?
  4. Is my high sex drive a new development? Did something change in my life that may have contributed to this change?
  5. Am I putting extraordinary pressure on my partner to have sex, even when they aren’t interested? Am I making unreasonable demands? Is my sexual desire putting a strain on my relationship?
  6. Do I abuse alcohol or drugs when engaging in sex?
  7. Do I engage in risky sex that puts my emotional or physical health in peril?
  8. How do I feel after sex or masturbation? Am I ashamed of myself? Do I feel like a bad person?

The fact is everyone’s version of a “normal” sex drive is different. What matters is how your sex drive or interest in sex affects the rest of your life. If you feel unbalanced or out of control, you may want to seek out treatments.

Causes of High Sex Drive

Some high sex drive can be traced to health disorders. For instance, high sex drive is often a symptom of disorders including hyperadrenalism, hormonal imbalances, bipolar disorder or various impulse control disorders. An increased libido is usually just one of many symptoms that are part of these health concerns. If your high libido is accompanied by other physical or mental symptoms, it’s a good idea to discuss this with your doctor.

Other causes of a high sex drive many not be as easy to pin down with a blood test. Child sexual abuse, for instance, sometimes manifests later in life as hyper sexuality or compulsive sexual behavior. A high libido is also sometimes caused by life changes. Many women, at various times during pregnancy, report a markedly increased interest in sex. Often after the pregnancy is over, the woman’s sex drive will return to normal. Other women report an increased sex drive during menopause, when the ovaries stop producing estrogen, and testosterone becomes more dominant. This can cause frustration because while a woman’s interest in sex increases, her ability to enjoy it can be decreased by other menopausal changes including decreased vaginal lubrication. These concomitant issues are often easily mitigated with medication.

How to Manage Your High Sex Drive

Remember, a high sex drive isn’t a problem to be solved unless it’s causing emotional or men tap strife. If you have a partner with an equally high libido, or if you enjoy casual sex, there’s no reason to worry. However, if your desire or interest is interfering with the rest of your life, it’s a good idea to seek treatment.

  1. Talk to your doctor. Your doctor may do a blood test to rule out hormonal or adrenaline issues. They may be able to prescribe medication or treatments.
  2. Consider seeing a therapist If you suspect your sex drive is influenced by mental health disorders, abuse history, or compulsivity, a therapist may be able to help.

 

  1. Seek out mindful sex practices. If you feel like you pursue sex even when it isn’t fulfilling or nourishing, or if you feel disconnected from your body, consider researching different mindfulness techniques. Tantra, sexological bodywork, yoga, and even meditation can all help you develop a fulfilling relationship between your mind and body, helping you makes better choices regarding your sex life.
  2. Exercise or highly physical hobbies can help “burn off” sexual energy. Consider picking up running, hiking, weight lifting, dancing, or other ways to channel your sexual energy so you have more control.
  3. Explore your sexuality in healthy ways that don’t make you feel bad about yourself.

Sexual health is an essential component to overall health. As with all things, balance is key. Sexuality is best when it fits comfortably into your life, neither suppressed nor overwhelming. By investigating medical, emotional, and physical resources, you may be able to find the perfect balance of sex in your life.

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Golden Advice for Singles to Treasure for LifeNo ratings yet.

Be prepared for the challenges ahead, marriage is not a bed of roses, marriage has its ups and downs so prepare well, prepare for marriage and not a wedding.

Don’t force yourself on anybody, don’t marry out of sympathy, marry whom you love and who truly loves you. Remember, feelings are different from love, make sure you marry someone that truly loves you. Don’t marry someone imposed on you, don’t marry someone you will need to endure with for the rest of your life, marriage is to be enjoyed and not endured.

Marriage is sweet when you marry the right person; marry who will complete you and not who will compete with you.

Pray and seek the face of God for the right partner, don’t think you are too young, start praying for your future now. When you marry the right person, every other thing will fall in place. God originated marriage and He is in the best position to guide you in choosing the right partner. Follow God as He leads you.

Add value to yourself, be an asset and not a liability, be a blessing and not a curse. Marry who believes in you, your dreams and your calling, marrying wrongly can abort or shatter your dreams. Marry who believes in God, fears God and obeys God. Marry the person that has the same faith with you – Amos 3:3. Marry whom you are compatible with, compatibility is very necessary when choosing a partner.

Marry your friend and not your enemy, marry whom you will not regrets spending the rest of your life with. Marry someone that is matured and not a baby because marriage is for the matured.

Marry who you trust and who trust you; marry whom you believe and who believes in you. Marriage is not for the timid or coward, marriage is for the brave, strong and wise people.

Marriage doesn’t change anybody except the person is willing to change him/herself. Don’t go into Marriage thinking that he/she will change, make sure he/she is a changed person before you say ‘I do’

If you are in any relationship and you always argue, fight, abuse, display anger at the slightest provocation… Think twice before you say I do to him/her because such a thing will reoccur in marriage.

Marry from the tribe that you understand. Your parents and your partner’s parents are very necessary when considering marriage, make sure they all agree and support before going into marriage to avoid future regrets.

The following are very important and vital in marriage; Understanding, patience, perseverance, endurance submissive personality, respect, commitment, sacrifice, forgiveness, trust, communication, transparency.

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The Life and Secrets of Bi-Sexual CouplesNo ratings yet.

“A bisexual person is someone who can be attracted to more than one gender.” Studies show that as much as half of the lesbian, gay and bisexual population identify as bisexual. In other words, bisexual–– or bi –– people comprise the largest single group in the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) community.”

Being bisexual means you have the capability to be attracted to more than one gender. It does not mean you have to be all the time. In fact, it’s normal for people’s preferences to change over the course of their life. Being in multiple successive heterosexual relationships doesn’t make you straight if you still feel attraction to other genders. Being bisexual also doesn’t mean that your attraction to different genders is equal.

Bisexual is a pretty flexible term. At first it described attraction to just men or woman, however, over time it has expanded to include non-binary or non-conforming identities. Similar terms, like pansexual or queer, are often used interchangeably and more explicitly acknowledge gender fluidity. This means that being bi can look different from person to person.

The moment you realize you have attraction towards more than one gender, you can dive more into the type of attraction you are experiencing. For example, you may feel more sexual attraction or more romantic attraction to certain genders. Sexual attraction is based on sexual chemistry and is typically felt right away. However, romantic attraction, focused more on feelings of love, typically takes more time to develop.

Even with society’s increasing knowledge on LGBTQ+ issues, there are still a lot of misconceptions and prejudices about bisexuality. Unfortunately, bisexual people can feel pressure to “pick a side.” They are often accused of being closeted homosexuals or faking it for attention. This discrimination doesn’t just come from people outside the LGBTQ+ community. Bi-phobia and bi-erasure is present in LGBTQ spaces and conversations about LGBTQ issues. Many people assume bisexual people are straight or gay based on the gender of the person they are currently dating. Too often when a bisexual person is in a heterosexual relationship, they are presumed to be straight.

There is no exact test you can take to tell if you are bisexual. Two questions to ask are:

  1. Are you attracted to more than one gender?
  2. Are you comfortable with the term bisexual?

It’s fine not to know for sure. Understanding your sexuality and orientation is not easy. Some people find labels to be uncomfortable and others find them to be empowering. Check in with yourself to decide whether you want to use a label like “bisexual” to define your sexuality. In the end, all the terms and identifies exist to help you understand yourself, but they don’t have to define you. Additionally, you may find that your sexual identify shifts over time as you experience life events and learn about yourself. This it does not mean you were ‘faking it’ or “going through a phase.” It is natural to change and evolve through your life. Don’t be afraid to explore and question as you see fit.

As you explore your identity, it can be a good idea to get involved in the LGBTQ+ community. Reaching out to people who have had similar experiences can normalize the experience. If you aren’t comfortable discussing feelings about your sexuality with friends or family, consider talking to a specialist.

 

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Pros and Cons of Living AloneNo ratings yet.

From statistics, growing household has been the single person. The same is true in some other countries like the UK and Japan. A report says that sixty percent of people living in Stockholm live alone.

It raises the question of whether it is better to be single living alone or living together in a committed partnership?

Benefits of Living Alone

  1. People living alone usually have fewer financial burdens. Advertisers, particularly in fashion and leisure, target these consumers because they often have larger disposable incomes.
  2. The person living alone may feel life is less complicated. He or she may appreciate freedom as an opportunity for study or as giving independence for career development.
  3. Single people may be uninterested in a committed relationship or having children.
  4. Alternatively, being single may be thought to be best simply because of not having yet met the right person.

“A bad marriage can make a person feel more isolated than being single

Benefits of living with the right partner

The quality of life of couples varies a lot. One cannot truly be happy living in an unhappy relationship if for example one is always dependent on someone else for emotional and financial resources. But if one has found the right partner you will want to share the responsibility of decision making and responding to the demands of time regarding the home and/or children. The other partner can provide emotional support, and company and one can depend on them if life goes pear-shaped.

A lot of published research has found individuals living as a couple on average have lower rates of early death. Physical and emotional health tends to be linked and a happy two-some creates emotional gain.

On the other hand some recent research suggests that the more self-sufficient single people are then the less likely they are to experience negative emotions.

Importance of challenge for spiritual growth

From a spiritual perspective I would argue that personal growth has an important spiritual component. For me it is all about no longer prioritizing what is naturally pleasing and enjoyable for oneself. No longer seeing life in terms of me – my preferences, my social standing, my convenience, my desires. Instead it is learning to think more about others, their feelings, needs, concerns, predicaments.

Such a turn round, in what we give attention to, sounds quite radical and actually rather difficult to achieve. But I would suggest that life itself is a training ground for this kind of personal growth. It is continually obliging us to do what is right. It offers no end of challenges to test our resolve and teach us new lessons of living. These challenges we can avoid or escape from. On the other hand we can try to deal with them.

Many benefit indirectly from such personal difficulties in life. This I would say is because they require a positive response that helps to change us from being ego-orientated to other-orientated. Sometimes over a life time, a person gradually changes from confusion to enlightenment, from seeing in darkness to seeing in light, from self-centeredness to loving kindness.

Challenges of not living alone

  1. Living together as a couple, especially as parents, provides no end of challenges. But we can learn so much from them.
  2. You don’t get to have all your own way when sharing a home. Give and take rules okay!
  3. Living with someone means spontaneous communication at any time. Your spouse wants some attention, so you stop what you are doing. You learn how to listen sensitively with sympathy. You start to talk openly and honestly about uncomfortable issues.
  4. Children force us to be more patient and tolerant of noise, untidiness, and demands for their attention.
  5. Having a shared home means the other person will expect you to do what you have agreed to do – whether it is housecleaning, cooking, laundry work, gardening, car maintenance etc.
  6. Your partner will expect you to share important decisions. You can’t spend a largish sum of money on a whim. Likewise choices about income are not just a personal matter: they raise issues of work-family life balance and location of work and home.

Good couple partnership and spiritual growth

Family life requires us to meet the needs and expectations of others. In this way we develop as human beings. A committed and intimate relationship supports spiritual personal growth in another way. Facing life with the support of a good partner, who is right for you, can pierce your balloon now and again and will help you get off your high horse. If one’s partner has a warm heart they can have a humanizing effect on you: for example to become less harsh in your judgments or more forgiving of those who have offend you. When you notice your partner’s sensible response to your ideas you may become less conceited.

You may lean towards their practical suggestions instead of staying in the clouds with your thinking.

A spouse who can chat about matters that concern you in an objective light will help you steer clear of subjective bias. Likewise if they are able to see things that are bugging you from a higher perspective they can guide your thoughts and actions.

These things can arise on a daily basis and over a length of time make a significant difference to your thinking and feeling.

Therefore, being alone or hooked up is a thing of personal decision…..

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